Day 6: Love is not Irritable

The Dare:

Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.

The Questions:

Where do you need to add margin to your life? When have you recently overreacted? What was your real motivation behind it? What decisions have you made today?

My Thoughts:

The day I first read this was on the 23rd. That's the day that Kyle had hurt my feelings, so because I was hurt, I had to really try at this one. When I first read it I was like "Ok great. This is just perfect. I'm totally pissed at him and hurt by him and now I have to act like I'm not? UGH!" It was all I could do to have a pleasant attitude. I was thankful that he had to go out to a customers house to have a contract signed because that meant that I had less time to spend with him that day.

Before Kyle left to go have paperwork signed (and I think it was before I read this dare), Kyle asked me if I wanted a quicky. I said NO. I don't. With tons of irritation in my voice. I know that the reason I responded the way I did was because I was so hurt from earlier. But you know what? I don't think he even has a clue, even today, three days later, that I was hurt at all. He thinks that he was being funny when he responded the way he did, but it really cut me to the core.

While he was gone, I prayed that I'd be able to have a change of heart and be able to do this dare the way that Jesus would want me to.

I know I'll have to have a discussion with him about it eventually, but it's one of those things that I have to "get up the guts" to do. We're not the type of couple that sits down to have serious discussions all that often.

So the past couple days have been fine, a lot better. I've "gotten over it" for now and I'm moving on. He got his "quicky" so that made him happy and now he's responding differently.

One thing that totally and completely shocked me, which is sad, but true, happened the other day. I had made chili (that's not the shocking part, lol). The next day Kyle and my cousin (his business partner) were home during lunch time to work on some bids and they finished off the chili. Without me asking him or saying anything, he washed the pot that I had made the chili in! When I realized what he had done, it made me smile and later on, when I saw him again, I thanked him for washing it. I think I surprised him by thanking him. It was really nice!

And going back to the Day 5 Dare, I think one of the things he would say annoys him is that I leave socks everywhere. I take them off and don't put them in the laundry, until I've got a pile of them to do. (And the thing that is really ironic about this is that HE leaves his clothes EVERYWHERE and the animals and I trip over them all the time. BUT that's besides the point.) So, I think since I know that is one of his answers, I'm going to do what I can to make sure I don't leave my socks laying around in every room.

As for THIS Dare, I'll continue to work on my responses to him, even when he IS irritating me.

Day 5: Love is Not Rude

The Dare:

Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.

The Questions:

What things did your spouse point out about you that need your attention? How did you handle hearing it? What do you plan to do to improve these areas?

My Thoughts:

If you saw my post before this one you'll know that this one was difficult for me.

This afternoon when Kyle called me, I said to him: "Here is a random question for you. Please just think about it and give me an answer later." He said "dumb" before I even asked him. So then I asked him the above question. He said "dumb". I said, "Please just think about. I need an answer."

That was the end of the conversation.

I got home a little bit ago and I asked him if he had a chance to think about it. He said no. Then he said, "Actually, what really irritates me is when you ask me a bunch of dumb questions." I just stared at him. Didn't say anything. He said, "Don't eye f*ck me." Which is a phrase he's been using a lot lately and which I can NOT stand! It was all I could do to not say anything or burst into tears.

So, I guess I'm just going to move on to Day 6 because I'm obviously not going to get an answer out of him. If God decides to work on his heart and have him answer me later, fine, but I'm just going to let this one go. He's really hurting my heart lately and I'm not really sure what to do about it.

This One Has Been Hard For Me

This Day 5 Dare. I haven't done it yet. I'm supposed to ask Kyle which 3 things cause him to be uncomfortable or irritated with me.

First of all, this is a question that is so unusual for us that he would look at me like I've got 4 heads. Second of all, I haven't been able to find the "right" time to ask him. He's been working late, don't want to ask him when he gets home. He's busy in general, don't want to ask him when he doesn't even hear the question. He's irritable, definitely not a good time to ask him. I just can't find the "right" time. THAT is irritating ME!

Then, the past couple days I have not been feeling well. Kyle has not been wanting to spend time with me, except to jump in the sack, which I don't want to do (and haven't done, which is probably part of the reason why he's being a butthead). UGHHHH!! I'm really frustrated right now. And a bit hurt. I would love to just cuddle with him, but that NEVER happens.

Today I didn't wake up until 1pm. TOTALLY unusual for me, but I took some cough syrup with codeine last night and it totally knocked me out. So I got up at one and right away started getting ready to leave since it was my nephews joint birthday party today. At 1:30 Kyle asks me if I want to "do it". No. Can't you see I'm trying to get ready to leave? So I don't see him all day since he refused to go to the party.

After the party, my sister and her husband and kids, my cousin and her daughter and my sisters Mother-in-law go out to eat. I called Kyle before we left the restaurant and asked him if he wanted me to bring him home some dinner. Nice, right? So I get home, all is fine and dandy. He's watching tv and I come in to get on the computer. Just a few minutes ago, I go to give him a kiss and he's like a dead fish. Why can't he just frickin' give me a damn kiss?

F-R-U-S-T-R-A-T-E-D

Day 4: Love is Thoughtful

The Dare:

Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.

The Questions:

What did you learn about yourself or your spouse by doing this today? How could this become a more natural, routine, and genuinely helpful part of your lifestyle?

My Thoughts:

I decided to do this for a couple days since the first day I didn't really get an opportunity. I had asked him if there was anything he needed while I was out, but he said no. So over the past couple days, whenever I've talked to him on the phone, I've asked him if there is anything he needed me to do or whatnot. The first couple times I asked he said no. Then I didn't have to ask him. He asked me yesterday if I could help him with a couple work things so I said yes, with no complaint at all. And the thing is, it's not entirely unusual for me to ask him these things, but usually I'll ask him begrudgingly. But when I've posed the question over the last couple days I'm doing it with a happy heart. I'm happy to do something for him. It makes me feel good to be needed. So I've sent a couple work emails for him and I've picked up some treats that he's requested and I've made dinner, when I didn't want to.

The picture that is at the top of Day 3, I took a similar one and put it as the background picture on the computer. It's the first time I've changed the picture in probably a good four years. Sad, huh? LOL He hasn't said anything about it, which I'm not surprised, but at the same time, I am a little. It's our wedding rings and I would think that he may be at least a little curious as to why I took the picture in the first place (and it was just for Day 3's post, lol).

I think because I've been holding my tongue a bit (and really, it hasn't been too hard lately since I haven't seen him *that* much, since he's been working late) he seems a bit calmer. He's pretty laid back as it is, but I don't know. The past couple days have been relaxed.

Day 3: Love is not Selfish

The Dare:

Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today."

The Question:

What did you choose to give your spouse? What happened when you gave it?

My Thoughts:

Today was a good day. Of course, we really only see each other in the evening because Kyle's working, but we talk on the phone throughout the day.

Our conversation was good. Nothing negative was said. There were a few times that I wanted to respond negatively to something he said, after he got home, but for the most part it was fine.

A couple of my cousins came over shortly after Kyle got home from work so the guys were in the computer room laughing and talking and whatnot. The guys left about the time The Bachelor came on. I watch this show religiously. Kyle knows this. He doesn't like most of the shows I watch so it's a good thing we have two tv's in our house otherwise there'd be a lot more fighting. lol

Kyle was making comments about the show while it was on. At first I didn't say anything. I was trying to ignore him. But I was also trying to watch my show. When he started talking over them with his own dialogue of what they were saying I raised my voice and asked him to PLEASE STOP. I had to repeat myself a few times and I was so irritated but I only said PLEASE STOP, nothing else. After a few minutes he went downstairs and all was right in the world again.

He sure does frustrate me when he does dumb stuff like that though. And because he doesn't like what I watch, it happens a lot! I don't say negative things about his shows so I've never been able to understand why he can't zip his lips when it comes to mine.

Because we are really tight on money, I couldn't justify spending a lot on something to let him know I was thinking of him. So on my way home from Target, I stopped and got him his mocha. He was already home when I got home so I went downstairs and gave it to him. He was getting ready to go in the crawl space (we've had some rats making a home down there. we've caught 4 so far. ugh!) so he asked me to put it in the kitchen till he was ready for it, but he was surprised and thankful and told me thanks and gave me a kiss. I also got him licorice while at Target, but he requested that so it probably doesn't count.

We're a work in progress. Aside from the show issue, it was a nice evening.

Day 2: Love is Kind

The Dare:

In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness. The Question: What discoveries about love did you make today? What specifically did you do in this dare? How did you show kindness?

The Question:

What discoveries about love did you make today? What specifically did you do in this dare? How did you show kindness?

My Thoughts:

Today was a bit more difficult than yesterday. I felt like I had to bite my tongue a lot. When he would say something that I would normally give a sarcastic response to, I felt like I couldn't say anything. And now I'm wondering how I can still respond to him without feeling like I'm doing everything for him. He keeps saying that because I'm not working that my "job" is to be his secretary. But even if I had been working, I would still be his "secretary". It's irritating and I feel like because I'm not responding to him, I'm going to be walked all over even more than I felt I was before I started this journey.

As my act of kindness towards him, I filled out all of his paperwork for his doctors appointments today and another that is coming up. I would normally leave it for him to do. Of course, there were things on the paperwork that I couldn't fill out so I did leave that for him, but I filled it all out to the best of my ability without saying anything, even though I really wanted to.

He also asked me if I was going to make dinner and instead of saying no or something else, I told him that it was a high probability and I did. Without complaining about having to feed his face. (I don't like being expected to do things. I'm much more willing when it's my idea. I should probably work on that. lol)

Love is not always easy. Because I love Kyle, I do things for him, even when I don't want to.

Day 1: Love is Patient

The Dare:

The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the conditions on our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret.

The Question:

Did anything happen today to cause anger toward your mate? Were you tempted to think disapproving thoughts and to let them come out in words?

My Thoughts:

I worked all day so we didn't see each other very much. When I got home, I was really tired. I didn't have to cook dinner since Kyle had eaten leftovers so I made cupcakes. He thought I was crazy, but I know he was happy I did because he loves cake.

He's not been feeling well and he slept almost the whole day, which is good. He was watching some dumb action movie so I told him I was going to go downstairs and watch something else but he pulled me onto his lap to cuddle instead.

After awhile he started getting touchy / feely. Fine. Then he started getting gropey. I started to get irritated. I asked him to stop. I just wasn't in the mood to be touched and felt and groped. It went on for awhile and I didn't get angry or mad, but I did get irritated. I didn't say anything mean or hurtful, though.

I'm not good at being patient, which I know why this little dare was put in here. A lot of people are not patient. For the parts of the day that we saw each other, I think, for the most part, I had patience with my Honey.

Taking The Plunge

I've decided to be a part of this Love Dare.

Kyle and I have a good marriage. We just celebrated 7 years. Go us! There are always things that can be improved though and because I want us to last a lifetime, I'm willing to put forth the effort to do so.

There have been things that I wish were different. Things like us being more loving towards each other. Not that we're mean, but we both say and do things at times that I wish were more respectful of each other.

I know he loves me, but sometimes some of the things he says or does, hurts. I'm sure it's the same for him as well.

I'm hoping that by doing this 40 day dare that it will bring back some of the more loving and respectful feelings. It will be interesting because I'm pretty stubborn and stuck in my ways. I'm praying for an open mind and an open heart. I'm also wondering if he'll even notice if things are a bit different. He's not dumb by any stretch of the imagination but he's also not always very observant. I'm interested to see if the changes that are bound to happen in me, are noticed.

I just purchased the book today and I've only read the Forward so tomorrow, February 14th, Valentine's Day, will be Day 1 and I will read what I'm to do, first thing tomorrow morning. I'll likely make my first post about this on the 15th. Should be fun!

Let everyone that is doing this be blessed beyond measure!