Day 10: Love Is Unconditional

The Dare:

Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse - something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.

The Questions:

Has your love in the past been based on your spouse's attributes and behavior, or on your commitment? How can you continue to show love when it's not returned in a way you hoped for?

My Thoughts:

First of all, did you see this post on my primary blog?

If not, go check it out and then come back here.

Ok...so you saw what a feat it was to get that project done, right?

It's been a project that's needed to be completed for quite some time. Kyle has mentioned me getting it tackled multiple times, but like I said in that post, I don't want to be the only one taking care of the laundry. We both wear the clothes, we both need clean laundry but both of us to do not participate in keeping it up.

So, I've given up and just let it go.

But, I knew it needed to be taken care of. I mean, it's ridiculous that we have to go in that room every morning and dig through the mountain of clothes to find anything to wear. It's annoying and pathetic.

So, when I decided to tackle this project, I was doing it because it needed to be done. BUT I also did it because I knew that it would really mean a lot to Kyle. While it took me the entire day, plus some, to get it done I just kept on thinking of what his reaction was going to be. I could just picture the smile on his face.

When he got home and started walking towards our computer room (next door) I ran behind him and showed him what I had done. Then I showed him his pile of t-shirts. LOL He was definitely surprised and thankful that I had taken on this project. I can't remember if it was that night or a couple nights later, but he thanked me for "doing the clothes".

I told him that he was going to have to go through his clothes and figure out which ones to donate because he was not keeping all of them...two large garbage bags later...then he helped put all of his remaining clothes away.

It's been good for both of us. And at this moment, there is a basket of clean clothes that need to be folded but I have kept up with it for almost a week now. That's amazing, to say the least. lol

On another day, Kyle decided to take out a wall.

Yes, another project...but this one WILL be completed, along with a bunch of others that have been ignored for the past three years! He promises it will be totally complete in a month. Woohoo!

But back to this particular project.

He asked me to vacuum up the remnants of the drywall and I did so with very little complaint. The only thing I said to him was that it would be easier and make more sense to take the drop cloth and shake it off outside...which he said he was planning on doing...so why was I vacuuming it?

I stopped right then and just vacuumed the hardwood floor and carpet.

All this to say that I love my husband immensely.

I do things with and for him because my love for him is unconditional. Sometimes we may say things like the above cartoon, but in reality it's all in fun and just joking around.

I continue and will continue to do things for him. I make it a regular habit to bring him treats or get things for him that I know he'll enjoy.

It brings me happiness to see him happy.

Day 9: Love Makes Good Impressions

The Dare:

Think of a specific way you'd like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.

The Questions:

When and where did you choose to do your special greeting? How will you change your greeting from this point on?

My Thoughts:

Once again, I've taken forever to complete this dare. Apparently one of my friends, and loyal readers, thinks I'm not updating this as often as she would like, in her words. LOL

So, I'm updating it now.

I think I'm kind of cheating on this one cuz I didn't run up to him and hang on him or anything like that. It's just not in me to do that or make it a regular thing. I've just greeted him with a smile and a kiss. I've also been giving him lots more attention and covering him in kisses and insisting on hugs. We kiss multiple times a day but the hugs, not so much. I love hugs so I've made sure to get more of those in.

I've noticed that our house is calmer. Not that it was uptight or anything before, but I'm having more positive reactions to things and / or situations and therefore, I think he is as well.

Day 8: Love Is Not Jealous

The Dare:

Determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heat on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday's list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.

The Questions:

How hard was it to destroy the list? What are some positive experiences that you can celebrate in the life of your mate? How can you encourage them toward future success?

My Thoughts:

I didn't burn the list, but I shredded it to a million little pieces. I had no trouble doing so either. I didn't even look at the list again before completing the task because I didn't think I needed to review the negative feelings I had been having towards him. I love him and I want to work on all the positive feelings I have for him.

Kyle has been trying to get some packet type stuff together to give to clients with their bids. He's been asking me to do it, but really, I have had no idea what it was that he was wanting to include in it. Because I'm not the one actually out there doing the work and whatnot it has really just been frustrating for me to try to figure out what he's wanting. Especially because he didn't really know what it was he wanted to include either.

So, shortly after I read this dare, he came to me with some stuff he had put together. It was REALLY good and a LOT better than anything I would've been able to come up with. I'm sure it's because I've just been on the brink of tears lately, but reading what he wrote almost made me teary too. And it wasn't the words he wrote, because it's all about construction stuff. That's not mushy by any means. LOL But it was just that he had put so much time and effort into trying to make this the best he possibly could and the fact that it was REALLY AWESOME. I was {am} SO proud of him.

I told him right after I read it that it was REALLY GOOD and that he did a GREAT job. He just gave me the look that he normally does when I've complimented him. It's kind of a goofy look. There's not much expression to it. He just kind of gets wider eyes and lifts his eyebrows. But I can tell that it makes him feel good.

Over the next few days he continued to put together more for this packet and it's pretty impressive if I do say so myself. He's never done anything like this but they're trying to make clients see them more than two "kids" out there doing some work. They're trying to have a more polished, professional look. I'm just really proud of what he's doing. And while I haven't said those words to him, I know I will. But he knows I'm proud of him from the conversation we had above.

The other day while I was sitting here entering 300 something giveaways for The Secrets in the Sauce Spring Fling, Kyle decided to clean up this room. It's a disaster. I have my The Love Dare book hidden in a little cupboard on our desk. For whatever reason, he decided to OPEN it! Ahhh! I grabbed it out of his hands and SAT on it! LOL He kept asking me what it was and I said it's a secret. He said that we don't have secrets. I told him I knew that but that this was a good secret. He wanted to know what it was. I told him that he can't know right now. It was a humorous conversation. I kept saying to him "Just! Just! just! JUST!" As in JUST leave it alone and some day you will know, but NOT RIGHT NOW! I didn't know what else to say because I really don't want him to know about it. He'll question everything I'm doing and I don't want it to be weird. With him not knowing about it, I can do it on my own time without him wondering about my motives. I want to see what's going to happen in our marriage with me doing this and him not knowing about it.

I've noticed that he's reacting to me differently. He's saying thanks for dinner every night and being a bit more loving.

Day 7: Love Believes The Best

You probably thought I forgot all about this, right?

Well, no. I just took a really long time to actually do this one and then even longer to post about it.

But here it is. Finally.

The Dare:

For today's dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with the negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.

The Questions:

Which list was easier to make? What did this reveal about your thoughts? What attribute did you thank your spouse for having?

My Thoughts:

Well, for some reason, I just didn't want to do this. I didn't want to write lists about my husband. So I took maybe five days or so to actually get to it. Once I did sit down to do the lists, I was not irritated or upset with Kyle, but I wasn't all roses and sunshine either. We just 'were'.

But both lists were about equally easy/difficult, however you want to look at it, to complete. The positives do outweigh the negative though, which I was happy to see.

Having to do this revealed to me that while I do have negative thoughts about my honey, he really is a great guy and I am thankful for him.

After I made the lists, it took me a couple more days to actually thank him. THAT revealed to me that it's really sad that I couldn't just go up to him and thank him for something that he's done or for a characteristic that he possesses. It's not 'natural' or 'easy' for me. I certainly need to work on thanking him more.

When I did thank him, it was in the morning when he was getting ready to leave for work. I hugged him and kissed him and told him thank you for all the hard work you do. He responded 'which hard work?' I told him the work that he does every day. Thank you. He was really surprised. He raised his eyebrows like, "hmmm, ok."

That evening when he got home from work, I had made dinner. While he's always been pretty good about thanking me for making dinner, he hasn't in awhile. He came up and gave me a kiss and said thanks for dinner.

And then last night, he said that when I finally get paid from unemployment (because I've been out of work for a month and haven't received ONE check yet!) that we should take a day trip. So that's telling me that he sees that we haven't been able to spend a lot of time together but he wants to take a day in the fairly near future to do just that.

I can see that these small changes I'm doing are slowly making little changes in him too. It's really nice to see.